The Shadow Negotiation: How Women Can Master the Hidden Agendas That Determine Bargaining Success

At last, here is a book that shows women how to recognize the Shadow Negotiation -- in which the unspoken attitudes, hidden assumptions, and conflicting agendas that drive the bargaining process play out -- and how to use that knowledge to their advantage.

Each time people bargain over issues -- a promotion, a contract with a new client, a bigger role in decision-making -- a parallel negotiation unfolds beneath the surface of the "formal" discussion. Bargainers constantly maneuver to determine whose interests and needs will hold sway, whose opinions will matter, and how cooperative each person will be in reaching an agreement.

How the issues are resolved hangs on the actions people take in the shadow negotiation, yet it is in this shadow negotiation that women most often run into trouble. The most productive negotiations take place when strong advocates can connect with each other. Good results depend equally on a bargainer's positioning her ideas for a fair hearing and on being open to the other side's point of view. But traditionally women have not fared well on either front. Often, they let negotiable moments slip by and take the first "no" as a final answer, or their efforts to be responsive to the other side's position are interpreted as accommodation. As a result, women can come away from negotiations with fewer dollars, perks, plum assignments, or less say in decision-making than men.

To negotiate effectively, women must pay attention to acts of self-sabotage as well as to the moves others make in the shadow negotiation. By bargaining more strategically, women can establish the terms of their advocacy, their voice, and at the same time encourage the open communication essential to a collaborative discussion in which not only acceptable, but creative, agreements can be worked out.

Written by Deborah M. Kolb and Judith Williams, two authorities in the field, The Shadow Negotiation shows women a whole new way to think about the negotiation process. Kolb and Williams identify the common stumbling blocks that women encounter and present a game plan for turning their particular strengths to their advantage. Based on extensive interviews with hundreds of business-women, The Shadow Negotiation provides women with a clear, insightful guide to the hidden machinations that are at work in every bargaining situation.

It turned out to be a riveting read and I lost count of the number of times I thought "Hey, that's happened to me!"

The Shadow Negotiation teaches by example, and delves into the psychological and social intracacies of negotiation. This book has enriched my understanding of the layers of negotiations that occur long before arriving at the table.

This book is for both sexes, and applies to all sorts of negotiations that pop up in everyday life. As a consultant, I have applied it to my salary negotiations, and find that I can manage my business relationships with much greater confidence. A wonderful gift to all of your working friends and family!


Create a quantum game shift without you boss even knowing it   January 7, 2001
10 out of 11 found this review helpful

I recently completed a three month negotiation process at my job and came out from being the lowest paid executive to one of the top three with the help of Shadow Negotiation. What came as the biggest surprise was, after getting out of my own way and following the structured steps suggested by the authors, each phase of the negotiations left me stronger and more focused rather than at a loss as to what the next step could be. Through the guidelines set forth in this book, I feel I can shift a negotiation process intuitively rather than strong arming it as we as women have always been led to believe was the only option. Not only do I now realize I am smarter than I thought, I can more likely conclude a negotiation process with all parties feeling the winner. Thank you again for your book.


New excitement for the area of negotiation   November 12, 2000
Max Bazerman (Boston, MA)
4 out of 4 found this review helpful

This is a wonderful new book for the field of negotiation. This book provides intriguing insights to aspects of the negotiation process often missed by most of us. This book will be useful for both novices and experts. The book will help novies to be more comfortable with the process of negotiation. Experts will be surprised to see how much they have to learn.


Turn 'Weaknesses' into Strengths   November 30, 2000
3 out of 3 found this review helpful

Is the female knack for empathy a weakness? Not when it helps you see negotiations from the other person's point of view and identify what's most important to the other side . . . and your side. This very practical book gives plenty of examples that one can apply to real-life work situations, and without a lot of 'win-win' palaver.


Not for women only!   November 29, 2000
3 out of 3 found this review helpful

As I flipped through the Harvard Business Review's Top Ten Business Books Of 2000 , I was intrigued by the review of "The Shadow Negotiation". Having a background in sociology, my curiosity was piqued by the book's focus on gender issues and interpersonal communication.

It turned out to be a riveting read and I lost count of the number of times I thought "Hey, that's happened to me!"

The Shadow Negotiation teaches by example, and delves into the psychological and social intracacies of negotiation. This book has enriched my understanding of the layers of negotiations that occur long before arriving at the table.

This book is for both sexes, and applies to all sorts of negotiations that pop up in everyday life. As a consultant, I have applied it to my salary negotiations, and find that I can manage my business relationships with much greater confidence. A wonderful gift to all of your working friends and family!